Regarding Sex Robots

From the desk of Edward Bradford

Dear Readers of Whole Grain Serial:

If Mr. Bradford’s mention of a bainshunfu-bot in “Leviathon” in any way inspired or contributed to the creation of an actual sex robot, he would like to express his regrets.  He believes that it is regrettable that fornication is a sin and terrible that pornographers have done so much to multiply fornication while draining it of pleasures.  He dislikes that inventors are getting into the game.

Mr. Bradford would like to assure the nerds of the world that the worst sex he ever had (i.e. with a real, live, actual woman) was vastly better than the best of any substitute for sex he has experienced.  It was so much better it is more a matter of contrast than comparison.  He is confident that your experience will be the same.

Put in the effort of persuading a woman to do it with you, even if you must resort to the legitimate relationship of marriage and pass on fornication, and invest you intellect in something fruitful.  Even if you don’t make mankind better, you will be better off increasing human pleasure rather than decreasing it.

Sincerely,

Angelica Rioles, Secretary to Mr. Edward Bradford.

Q&A About WGS

Dear Faithful Reader,

From time to time Mr. Bradford receives questions about Whole Grain Serial. Some of these questions, with Mr. Bradford’s answers, are compiled below. Enjoy and satisfy your curiosity about WGS.

Sincerely,

Evelyn Bedt
Secretary to Mr. Bradford

Q: Where did you get the title Whole Grain Serial? (Ernest from Arkham, Mass.)
A: It’s “whole grain” because it’s rough.

Q: Some of your stories seem to be set in definite places. Where are they? (Bertram from Lake Wobegon, Minn.)
A: “The Spook Light” is set near the Missouri-Oklahoma border. “The Adventure of Jack and Stan” is set in southeast Missouri in the recent past. “Leviathan” is set in California in the near future. The geography is not necessarily accurate and some places may be completely fictional; their just stories.

Q: Do you have any pet peeves? (Jamie from Astarte, UK)
A: Many things irritate me and I have no affection for them. For instance, I’m distrurbed by those who think “serial” is something you eat. I think text messaging abbreviations should never be used in other contexts. Marketing people who tell you to “connect with the fans” as if anybody is reading this—that is incredibly annoying.

Q: I’m thinking of becoming a writer. How much money do you make? (Kent from Metropolis, IL)
A: How much are you paying to read my stories on WGS?

Q: You’re work draws on a variety of popular forms. Would you be interested in writing for comic books? If so, what characters or titles might you like to write for and why? (Peter from Queens, NYC, NY)
A: Yes. I’d like to write Uncle Scrooge because he is the Indiana Jones of talking animals. Also the Riddler now that he has gone from perpetrating elaborate and puzzling crimes to solving them as a celebrity private investigator and potentially the DCU’s world’s second greatest detective.

Q: Is Edward Bradford your real name? (Russell from Mayberry, NC)
A: I have a respect for the tradition among some authors of using pseudonyms to protect themselves from unwanted scrutiny, disapprobation, notoriety and stupid questions.

Merry Christmas

Dear Faithful Readers,

Mr. Bradford would like to express his wishes for a merry Christmas to his many fans and faithful readers. Your praise, kind words and gifts are appreciated. He hopes you enjoy his stories and will visit this site again in the New Year.

Sincerely,

Audrey Gued
Secretary to Mr. Bradford

A Few Days Off–Please Visit Us Again

Dear Faithful Reader of Whole Grain Serial,

Mr. Bradford has asked me to inform you that he will not be posting to this site for a few days. He has injured his hand. This, in conjuction with his medicine, makes it difficult for him to continue his posts every weekday.

In addition, you should know that rumors of a dispute or altercation between Mr. Bradford and a Mr. King of Maine are grossly exaggerated and false. They are also completely unrelated to Mr. Bradford’s injuries.

Thank you for your patience. Please visit this site again soon. I will keep you appraised of Mr. Bradford’s condition and he will begin posting again as soon as possible.

Sincerely,

Jennifer Fine

Secretary to Mr. Bradford